My own personal menopause story.

And why I thought I would never have pictures of myself taken again.

My personal journey through menopause probably started when I was around 38, much too early, but almost not surprising.

I’d had a routine blood test for something and it flagged up that the hormones that governed my cycle were probably on the wane.

I didn’t think too much about it at the time. There were other things happening, like my mum being diagnosed with skin cancer for the first time, and I didn’t give it too much thought. It did, though coincide, not much later, with my decision to cut out all forms of sugar, and sugar-included food, and the start of the work to steady my ping-ponging emotions. I had read the book ‘Potatoes not Prozac,’ which had a lot to say about the role of sugar in anxiety and depression and also its relation to alcoholism. This was nearly a decade before I discovered RTT.

I was adapting well to a diet of whole grains, meat, fish, eggs, lots of vegetables and salad, potatoes, as indicated by the book, of course, and no alcohol. Just a really healthy diet. I am a bit of an all-or-nothing character, so it’s not in my nature to phase things like coffee and alcohol out gently! The only trouble was I lost weight, even though I was eating plenty of food and plenty of good fats.

All was going well and my mood was definitely much better, though I didn’t much like the fact I lost breast tissue and my skin became a bit loose due to the weight loss! But about 9 months in, I found that my face was getting quite red in certain areas and I was also, and more alarmingly, getting really quite spotty.

Menopause Was Written All Over My Face

Anne-Marie Cassidy in her home treatment room

Looking back now, I can see this was due to the onset of menopause, not a change of food. I had struggled with acne between the ages of 19 and 21 and was devastated at its return. My skin is quite fine and delicate and every spot tends to scar, so active acne is really concerning for me. It also came with a side helping of rosacea. The redness I had noticed.

By the time I hit 40, I was a mess. Very emotional, distressed. I didn’t have any of the classic menopausal symptoms. My periods just stopped. They had become more sporadic and shorter at first, but then just stopped, maybe because I was carrying less weight too.

I do wonder now if the desire to sort out my depression, starting at 38, was indeed some kind of midlife crisis related to the onset of the menopause. I also didn’t get noticeable hot flashes, possibly, but only very, very mild.

No - menopause was written all over my face, and in the fact I became worryingly suicidal, partly because I felt like I had worked really hard my whole life to beat the blues, giving up everything I enjoyed, all my previous comforts, so I could give it a final really good try. And it was devastating to have tried so much and to end up in a state worse than ever.

I was diagnosed as menopausal, mainly because I forced a dermatologist I had been seeing to get me tested to see if hormones were related to my skin issues.

I was sent to an endocrinologist, who organised an internal ultrasound and took bloods for 11 different hormones. The answer that came back was that I was either in, or had been through, the menopause. Apparently, eggs could be seen on the scan that was performed, but they were pronounced ‘quiescent’, which means dormant or inactive. They’d had enough, basically!

Much like me.

Somebody Nearly Suffered Death by Hotel Receptionist!

His letter that was sent to my GP read as, ‘yes, she’s in the menopause or had the menopause, put her on HRT.’ It actually word-for-word said ‘that it didn’t matter which one.’

If he had happened to have ever been a woman in the menopause and stuck flippantly by an arrogant demi-god of a consultant, on ‘any which one’ form of HRT, he might well have not been so cavalier in his correspondence.

I was working on hotel reception at the time, and that did not go well with the side-effects of HRT. I hated all the guests. I was irrationally angry. I could have killed somebody, really. On the verge of tears the whole time, and more suicidal than ever. My colleagues noticed a marked change in me. I would be driving to work thinking about the manner in which I intended to kill myself; where I would do it, and what I would use or take.

I lasted 2 months on HRT and I did not want to try another brand. I was so very tired of medical professionals messing with my body. I had had enough of that when I was young with anti-depressants. The skin issues had now been going on for 2 years.

The truth is, that doctors really don’t know. They don’t know what any of these prescription drugs will do to you personally. Whatever you are taking them for. They look them up in a big impressive-looking book or on the internet, just like you can for yourself.

Salesmen sell drugs to doctors, with highly targeted marketing techniques. There are incentives involved.

And remember, though I really am not a conspiracy theorist, despite my love of The X-Files, Big Pharma does not profit from making you well or getting you off their products! Just like big food companies stick sugar in everything they produce to make you an addict.

That’s why you then need to seek out Big Pharma!

I had the Means, Motive and Opportunity…

But back to going through the menopause. During that 4 or 5 years I was dealing with the menopause, I was quite convinced that each winter I would take myself out on the coldest night of the year and either go to a river or take some kind of overdose, helped along by hypothermia. I went as far as buying antifreeze to take. That is how desperate I felt.

I should add that I also developed chronic lower back pain related to menopause, (which gave me a bumper crop of Tramadol I could take) and working at the hotel and being stood for long periods of time in one spot did not help at all. Not only that, but I developed dry eyes, which meant my eyes were sensitive to light and the whites of my eyes often looked discoloured. I felt miserable and uncomfortable in myself and at the condition of me. I was embarrassed about what people would be thinking when they looked at me.

I was suffering deeply, physically and mentally. It felt like I was losing everything that made me feminine; my looks, my body, my sex-drive.

This is what men, even the best of them, will never understand. Menopause is a really serious threat to women’s wellbeing. It can attack on every level.

Being somebody who will really investigate every avenue to get help, this is when I started more into seeking out alternative medicine and therapies. I really was desperate to save my own life. My dermatologist would have kept me on antibiotics for my skin for the rest of my days. She had taken me off them for a couple of months on a trial basis and the acne had returned immediately.

And if you don’t know, antibiotics is death to your gut microbiome. And your gut is where you produce serotonin, the mood booster.

So, to me, it was like being in a no-win situation. What did I choose to lose? My looks, everything that made up me, my life?

As has so often previously been the way of my life, I couldn’t figure out a way to go forward until I was absolutely at my wit’s end. To be so ultimately past yourself that you just surrender to fate, almost. And the thing is, whether you have a partner in your life to support you or not, menopause feels like a war happening inside your own body. Nobody can take it away for you.

Fuck Antibiotics!

Picture of various kinds of prescription medication

This is when I finally said, ‘fuck antibiotics’. I’m not a consultant, not a dermatologist, but I am sensible enough to know that lifelong antibiotics are not a good idea. Also, I discovered that the specialist skincare she had me on, that was ‘only available imported through her as a medical professional’ was also readily available to me, online, at less than half the price.

That really sucked ass, I thought. To take advantage of people who are basically desperate and at your mercy. And probably can’t afford this bullshit you’re profiteering on.

I weaned myself off the antibiotics incredibly slowly. Over the course of almost 6 months. Half the dose per day, then every other day, every 2 days, 3 days, 4 days etc. Taking each step cautiously until I was clear.

This was all in the couple of years before brands like The Ordinary and The Inkey List revolutionised our skin care regimes. But I took back my own power. I decided I’d have acne on my own terms if necessary. But luckily, through rigorous skin care, I got it under control. Or maybe the loss of hormones had just played itself out. I will never know exactly.

But what was important was that I was ahead of it now.

Going Through the Menopause Faster with Rapid Transformational Therapy

I tried out functional medicine and Ayurvedic treatment, acupuncture and probably lots of things I have forgotten, and I was making progress. I recommend to many of my clients, as long as there are no contraindications, to try out adaptogens, specifically ashwagandha. (I will never remember how to spell this without googling it!) But it is brilliant for giving your adrenals a break from stress. It takes the edge off beautifully.

And then I found RTT! Which helped dramatically with the emotional scars menopause had given me. It helped me heal and have some sense of myself again as a whole person. I would have been in a really poor position coping with my mum’s illness and death, if not for Rapid Transformational Therapy.

Though I have not yet had a client who has come to me specifically for help with the menopause, I am reliably informed by my peers that RTT is also successfully used to speed through the symptoms they are experiencing. You can literally tell your body, in hypnosis, to get through this damn curse quickly. There is no need to suffer for years. No need to feel suicidal about what is a natural occurrence in your body.

I hope sharing a glimpse of what I went through during the menopause helps normalise what you may be going through yourself. As women, we need to share our stories more. We need to feel less isolated. And our stories of menopause will all be slightly different but share some common themes.

If you would like to have a no obligation chat about menopause, endometriosis, infertility or sexual dysfunction issues, I would love to hear from you. You can book a discovery call or drop me a message.

RTT can even be used for your skin problems.

Sometimes you have unknowingly made a sub-conscious decision where having bad skin made a weird kind of sense. Where it was an answer or distraction from something else that was going on in your life.

I wish I had known back then!

But let’s talk about how we can get you the help you need quickly.

P.S. I have just curated a blog post filled with my favourite health and skin hacks.

Love Anne-Marie x

About Me

Hello, I’m Anne-Marie. I am a RTT Practitioner, Romance Author, Championship Dog Show Judge.

I have a lot going on! But my primary focus is helping people achieve their personal and professional goals, whatever they may be. If you’re struggling, I am the kind of person you want in your corner.

Click here to book your free discovery call now

Going Through the Menopause